Unexplained, unpredictable, evident yet unsaid farewells are, definitely, the worst ones – exactly because you struggle, day after day, night after night, loosing hours of sleep and wasting inner tears trying to find a reason, and your search leads you to… nowhere.
Yes, I admit that was always something I had to handle with: the absence of words [which is ironic, since words are exactly what I most have, in my mind] and that always bothered me. I wonder where did I go wrong and, obviously, I feel stuck right over there, looking around, looking everywhere, searching every single thing and finding nothing.
I wonder if I wasn’t supposed – simply – to let go and move on; to forget it all and start over; to stop thinking about all of it and begin to build new thoughts, new reminders, new memories. So, if I actually I’m supposed to do it, I wish I could.
I wish I could simply let go – which is, exactly, something I don’t ever feel able to. Letting go is such a hard thing to do, specially for someone like me, who enjoys the unforgettable things and feeds them several times a day, even when they’re not good.
How can a person start over, or, at least, mend, accept the present, and continue to live and quit melancholy? I wish I knew, and could do it. In the meantime, I’ll simply wonder.